Some things have already been discussed, but we do think it may be important to prepare you for some aspects of Dutch behaviour This way you will not be surprised when you find yourself in a situation where the Dutch react in a different manner than you are used to.

 

Unannounced visit

Dutch people will always count on you making an appointment before any visit, no matter how short or insignificant or impulsive the visit is. This means that if you are in the neighbourhood of someone’s house and you wish to visit unexpectedly, you usually call first to announce your imminent arrival (thereby giving the other person the chance to politely inform you that it will not be convenient). It might actually happen that the person who opens the door will have a conversation with you on the doorstep without inviting you in (even when it is raining). So, call a few minutes before arriving and you will be most likely welcomed in.

 

Greetings

When Dutch people meet for the first time they shake hands. The handshake should be made with right hand and should be firm (without squashing the other’s hand) and short. If you are well acquainted (usually after meeting for the third time) women kiss each other three times (start on the left cheek, then the right cheek and end on left cheek). Women also greet men they know well in this manner. Men usually only shake hands.

 

Punctuality

You should always keep an eye on the time and make sure you are present at the agreed time. That means not too early and not too late. If you are delayed, it is appreciated and seen as good manners to call. You should not be surprised to be told off firmly if you are late without a good reason.

 

What to bring (to a party)

This is difficult to answer as it very much depends on the situation and personal preferences. We can give you some general indication of what is appropriate on a few occasions. If you are invited to dinner and it is the first time you are meeting the family or friends, you will most likely bring flowers. If you have been there before, but not very often, you can bring flowers or wine (or anything else such as a bottle of whisky or Bailey’s if you are familiar with their taste). When you have known someone for a long time you usually do not bring anything, unless there is a special reason to do so. If you are invited for a (birthday) party with friends, you may inquire of other friends if they have any suggestions. If you do not know anyone who can advise you, you can give flowers or a gift voucher (all kinds are available). Also money or chocolates/sweets can be considered. It is a custom to bring something for the person whose birthday it is, however. If there is no particular reason for the party, you can bring an item of food or drink item, such as wine or crisps. Usually who brings what is discussed so as to complement the organiser’s dishes/drinks.

 

Breakfast

Breakfast is eaten in almost all families before going to work or school early in the morning and takes place between 7.00 and 9.00 (depending on the daily routine). It can be bread with cheese; some eat cereals such as cornflakes or muesli and others eat fruit. Most of the time breakfast is accompanied by coffee or tea.

Lunch:

Lunch is prepared at home and will be taken to school or work. It can consist of bread and fruit or any other (cold) dish such as a salad. Going out for lunch is for special occasions. Many organisations do offer in-house lunch facilities (in a canteen) and this will replace lunch brought from home. Lunch will be eaten somewhere between 12.00 hrs and 14.00 hrs and the official lunch time is usually 30 minutes. You will also see some people using the lunch hour to go for a stroll and eat their home-made lunch.

 

Dinner

Dinner time depends on whether dinner is eaten at home or if you go out for dinner. When cooking at home, the main meal takes place between 17.30 and approximately 19.30. It is different for each family. When a person is invited to join others for dinner, they will start somewhat later to give the person the opportunity to change their clothes at home. If people go out to dinner, they usually meet between 19.00 and 20.30 in the restaurant.

 

Complaining

Dutch people love to complain, but not in a really serious way. The weather is a great topic to complain about, but so is work and of course politics and football. If you listen to Dutch people you might think we are a pretty unhappy lot. But the contrary is true: we are very happy. Perhaps one of the reasons is that we do not take some of our troubles and worries home, as we have had the chance to discuss them already with others to whom we could complain about them. Please do not be surprised when you hear Dutch people complaining to you. It is not meant as personal and we do not expect you to solve the problems for us. We are merely making conversation.

 

Pay someone a compliment

You will not hear much praise or many compliments from Dutch people. We are usually conservative and hesitant when giving praise. Thus, when an idea is being proposed, do not be surprised when the idea is greeted with seemingly little enthusiasm. We like to receive a sincere compliment, so make sure not to overdo it. People who praise too often and too exuberantly (especially to certain people) will be viewed by others as insincere or simply as people trying to suck up. It may also happen that the person to whom you give the compliment will try to make the achievement look less (‘Well, I had some help from….’, ‘Oh, it was nothing’, ’It was just something I tried’).

 

Direct approach

Dutch people do not beat around the bush and will often speak their minds. This can seem rather rude and almost feel insulting to foreign people (e.g: ‘I have read you report and it is awful’). However, Dutch people prefer to be open about their opinion and if it is presented in a kind and friendly manner, this is usually regarded as good. It is considered as being honest, where being too subtle and polite can create misunderstanding (e.g. as in ‘I can see that you have worked very on this report and I do appreciate you have spend this much time on it’). It can be a bit shocking, however, when confronted for the first time with Dutch directness.

 

Bikes

Everywhere you go you will see bikes. Outside train stations, in the city centre, outside supermarkets and so on. Some people have more than one bike. One ragged old version for the day-to-day business and one in a better condition for weekend bike trips or other occasions. The better one is the one you do not want to have stolen. As there are so many bikes, it will not surprise you to hear they also get stolen quite often. Thus, it is important to have a good, secure lock on your bike. It may be the case that your lock was actually more expensive than your entire bike.

 

Queen's Day

Queen Beatrix’s real birthday is on 31 January. However, in honour of her mother Queen Juliana whose birthday is on 30 April, when Beatrix accepted the throne she decided not to change the day when Queen’s Day is celebrated. That means that although Beatrix’s birthday is on 31 January, we still celebrate Queen’s Day on 30 April each year. This a particularly festive day. Each village, town or city has its own events, ranging from large concerts, to fairs and sports. Everywhere you look you will see orange: the stands, the people, the streets and so on. The bigger cities are worth visiting on Queen’s Day. And if you want to see the Queen yourself? Each year she and her family will visit two places (not too far apart) where she will be shown around and participate in some activities.

 

Sinterklaas

A tradition with a long history is Sinterklaas, or the feast of St. Nicholas. This tradition was established somewhere in the 14th century A.D., although it is unclear exactly when. During his life Bishop Nicholas, who lived from 271 A.D. till December 6th 342 A.D. (or 343, the year of death is not exactly known), devoted himself to helping poor people, especially children. He gave money and food to people who needed it, for example by putting pennies in the shoes of poor maidens. After his death, he became a saint (Saint Nicholas) and he was named patron of the sailors and merchants.

 

As we are a nation of merchants and sailors, the Bishop's work became well known in the Netherlands. Somewhere during the 14th century the tradition became what it is today; on the evening of December 5th, Saint Nicholas visits all children who have behaved well during the year, giving them presents in their shoes during the night. Sometimes the good man will knock on the door and leaving the presents behind. The children will sing for him and leave small gifts for his horse and helpers in the hope of finding a filled shoe in the morning. Sinterklaas only comes to the Netherlands from mid November until his birthday (or perhaps we should say the anniversary of his death). The rest of the year he remains in Spain with his helpers and he spends his days writing about all the children and their behaviour. Children that have been bad will be taken to Spain or will get spanking from one of the helpers. Most of the gifts are accompanied by a poem or rhyme.

 

Another custom is the making of special presents or surprises at this time. Within a family each person’s name is written on a piece of paper and put in a bowl. Each person takes out a name and s/he has to buy a present and disguise this in a self-made novelty or surprise. The surprise is usually related to the person's character or interests. Dutch immigrants introduced Sinterklaas in the United States. Over the years this has changed into Santa Claus, therewith establishing a new tradition, which survives there to this very day. In the Netherlands, Sinterklaas is seen more as a celebration for the small children. Some people are slowly changing over to celebrating Christmas when the children have reached the age of no longer believing in Sinterklaas.